Whispers of Resilience

There are a few key markers of summer in my mind. First, I notice there aren’t any students being helped across intersections by crossing guards. Second, it’s warm all day long. But it’s hard to tell if you live in a place with a cooler climate, where it’s warm during the day and cool in the evenings. Living in the northern East Coast of the U.S. is like that. The spring breeze has shifted into warmer winds, yet you still need a light jacket after sunset. It’s not fully summer yet. It feels like we are in between seasons.

Have you ever felt like you’re in between seasons? You’ve set out but haven’t yet arrived at your destination. Constantly in transit. Being in between our own personal seasons can feel like that. It’s a time when self-doubt and impatience can creep in. If it becomes overwhelming, you spiral. (Raises hand) — yep, happened to me this past week! I felt it bubbling under the surface but tried to push through. Soon enough, my anxiety was spiking, and I was spiraling. A host of negative thoughts flooded my mind. Thoughts like, “You’re behind,” “You’re not healing fast enough,” “Maybe none of this is working.” They came, one after another — heavy, fast, and convincing. There was a restlessness building up.

So, I took a break from the daily grind and went for a bike ride along the Hudson River to clear my mind. Once I made it to the park, I found shade under a tree and immersed myself in the environment. There was a stillness in the air — not silence exactly, but something softer. A kind of whisper. I didn’t know it yet, but these were the first whispers of resilience. Sitting under this tree, I started by focusing on the leaves. As my gaze shifted to the branches, then the trunk, and ultimately to the ground I was sitting on, I realized just how restless I had been feeling.

I felt like a failure. This time last year, I was still married. My vision of the future included a house full of joy. It had a yard for our dog, an art studio/creative space, a game room to entertain, and a super cool kitchen. It wasn’t perfect, but we were happy. Yet here I was, divorced and alone within the space of a year. This weekend would have been our anniversary. Maybe you’ve gone through a major life-changing event in the past year. I realized that we don’t plan for how we feel. Grief shows up unexpectedly — not always loud, but always honest. And that’s what found me under the tree: the honesty I’d been outrunning all week.

The past me would’ve kept digging myself deeper, but this time I caught myself looping. I realized I had been walking around feeling like an impostor all week. I didn’t realize how much of a drag that was. It’s almost been a year, and I’m still not seeing the fruits of my progress. Where is my six-pack??? The lack of patience was surfacing. Am I doing enough? There it is. The creeping self-doubt! All the ingredients for a downward spiral were present. Honestly, our desire for change can be strong, and if we’re conditioned to expect immediate results, frustration can set in. But this time, I caught myself.

Sometimes, building toward self-alignment can feel like this. We’re not who we were, but we’re not yet who we want to become. It kind of feels like impostor syndrome. But is it really true that we are impostors? If we’re going to judge ourselves, considering only the negative evidence is incredibly unfair. So, fuck it, let’s take in the positive evidence too. We aren’t in the season of punishing ourselves anymore, now are we?

At times, we can recklessly hope that results will arrive at our doorstep. A symptom of this is that we’re constantly planning but either procrastinate or let our impulses override the experience. This will undoubtedly feed the self-doubt. We’ll never be perfect, but do we show up? Especially on the bad days? The reality is that the results of our actions are accruing daily. Even if the six-pack doesn’t show. Even if we're still stuck in a mini downward spiral in the moment. That’s okay. Are we picking ourselves back up?

True failure is when we don’t even try. Setback after setback, we keep going. The cure to self-doubt is preparation and generating undeniable evidence. It won’t be perfect at first, but day by day, we must build it. That’s the only thing we can do. Beyond that, it’s important to move with patience. Not the whimsical or whiny kind of patience. In Arabic and Urdu, it’s known as the concept of “Sabr (صَبْرٌ)” which translates to perseverance. It’s patience with confidence. It’s more of a knowing — that the results of our actions may not come today and may not come in the way we envisioned. But come, they will.

We must continue to move, we must continue to believe, and we shall continue to become. These are the whispers of resilience.

So, tell me, how will you move between these seasons?

P.S. Much love and have a great weekend!